Things have happened. Bad, bad things. As an outcome, something scary happened as well.
On the way home I realized that the last two hours I spent with planning to do this. Not just daydreaming, but seriously planning. I don’t know why hanging, why on a bridge, but it seemed easy to carry out. Also, far away from home so no one who knew me would see.
There’s nothing more terrible or scary than when you have to realize that the place you thought to be the safest place on earth - your very own mind - now literally wants to take your life. How sick is that? My mind cheated on me like a bored lover trying to get rid of its now-a-burden companion.
All is swell now, or at least this is what I keep telling myself before I go to bed.
aaaand the other lame sketch :) just jason from one of my stupid stories :D
(made with the cheapest pen you can possibly imagine xD)
ugly sketch, i know, but i mean it :) took me… a minute xD yeah, i really should start to put some effort into my “works” instead of complaining but aaaah, school has just started >.> it’s time to hate our lives and whatnot! lol
the idea behind the crappy drawing, well… let’s get back to this topic some time later okay? :)
it’s basically that - i believe - in every human being there’s a feminine and masculine side (or maybe i’m more accurate when i say an individual is a mix of these two, separately these elements don’t exist as something “pure” in a human being) and actually the so called genders are only roles we play. once they might have had a reason to exist but nowadays they’re only a pain in the ass, really. you can’t define someone’s identity as 100% male or 100% female and this is absolutely alright. you can’t tell whether a person is good or bad either as that person will be somewhere in-between. what is far from alright is the fact that people still force these labels and roles upon themselves instead of exploring that mysterious, wonderful creature that is you. makes no sense at all.
(made with the cheapest pen you can possibly imagine xD)
and the other one. i actually put a lot of effort into this one! still falied, i know. :D but hey, i tried a bit harder this time. :) the feeling is the same. that perverted fascination of the deserted world.
a few days ago while watching agentjr’s Let’s Play: Silent Hill. i love that game’s whole mood and story, and everything about it, really. the eeriness, the “i am in my self” concept, solitude, everything. now i’m watching the second game’s LP, and it can get even better. please ignore my stupid handwriting on the right, nowadays i kind of using my sketchbook as a diary although i already have one. :) the sketch itself: lame. i know. but i guess it’s okay to share the garbage on tumblr, right?
crappy sketch made just now. the little note above says “that is all in your head!” and is absolutely irrelevant lol, i just realized it was there after making this little crappy shot just now. :) the sketch itself is a 3 minute-thingy, nothing important, but kind of my feelings in these very moments. :)
